Now where were we?

So far we’ve established the reasons why, months ago, I begrudgingly accepted that Ms. Rona wouldn’t be a one-time guest appearance in the United States sitcom. Instead, her name would start popping up in the opening credits – a classic telltale sign we should expect her presence until the end of the season, at minimum. Quick refresher why: ill-equipped healthcare system + major wealth disparity (i.e. most citizens and businesses are one disaster away from bankruptcy) + sociopathic government that ignores the crisis until it’s far too late + society that values capital over human life +… honestly, so much more. The point is, a lot of nerds like me saw this coming. Continue reading →

Coronavirus has left humanity with more questions than answers. Why are people hoarding toilet paper? Why is everyone suddenly making homemade sourdough? Am I too old to use TikTok? Will I ever be motivated to wear a bra again? Does it make me a major pedo if I think Paxton from Never Have I Ever is a total snack*?

But to pivot away from super timely references for a moment, the inquiry that lingers at the forefront of everyone’s mind is, undoubtedly, “When will this all be over?” It would be ridiculous (and a flat out lie) to claim I have the exact answer to that, but I can say – with unhappy, Debbie Downer certainty – it is: “Much longer than however long we think it’s going to be.” Whomp whomp. Continue reading →

Alternative title: I’m Really Over This Whole ‘Living Through A Major Historical Event’ Thing. Sponsored by my Carole Baskin-approved leggings and black plaid mask that signals to the world I still haven’t entirely outgrown my middle school emo phase.

Yes, two full years later and I’m dusting off this ol’ blog again. Nothing like a global pandemic to get the creative juices flowing, right?

Jokes aside, COVID-19/The Rona/Miss Rona/whatever moniker you prefer, has indeed inspired me to plop in front of my trusty keyboard Carrie Bradshaw-style once more. Continue reading →

Day 1

This commences the first day of my potentially three-day juice cleanse. Throughout the next 24 hours, I will be meticulously jotting down notes to track the emotional, physical, and perhaps spiritual toll this purging sesh takes on me. The following content will inevitably be as raw as the ingredients in these bottles, so consider yourself warned. This is no entry for the faint at heart.

7:00 AM

Woke up already feeling hungry. Damnit. Continue reading →

It was only a matter of time before this blog led to a near-death experience.

My latest study in the art of being basic has been tackling a key component of the LA Girl Diet, Nekter’s ‘Advanced Juice Cleanse.’ This is a cute way of saying ‘starvation,’ but we’ll expand on that in a minute. It all began over a LA Girl Diet-unapproved lunch of tacos with my coworkers. They were chatting about their upcoming cleanse and encouraging me to partake, i.e. sign my life away. Continue reading →

For Arianna to be so kind as to allow me a guest entry in her blog, the least I can do is be up-front. This will not be a positive review of the ‘Museum of Ice Cream.’ It will be a cynical tour through the six or seven soulless rooms within it, laced in ridicule at every step. So I will start by saying something positive about the place before we get into it. Continue reading →

“You haven’t updated your blog ever since you started going out with your boyfriend. Just saying.” -Marti

Ouch. After my own mother slandered my good name over tapas last week, I trudged up this website’s stats and was straight shooketh upon the realization that:

1) It’s been a solid four months since I’ve delighted the world with my bitchy commentary
2) We’re halfway through 2017
3) We’re halfway through 2017 and still haven’t died via North Korean missile strike. Now there’s a pleasant surprise! Continue reading →

A continuation of this post.

Let’s venture outside my neck of the woods for a hot sec and tackle more areas of La La Land that fall westward. Friends, family, and other people who aren’t deranged stalkers: hit me up if you’re interested in partaking in any activities I haven’t ticked off yet! You know, for the sake of seeming super cultured at dinner parties. Continue reading →

“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.”
– David Morrison

I strive to not be an ignorant asshole. Therefore, the bare minimum I can do here is acknowledge that the United States is plunging towards full-blown autocracy. Besides roasting Trumplethinskin (which I promise to commit to fully!), I feel it’s crucial to outline what my average reader – likely a millennial, probably educated, obviously good-looking – can do.

If you’re like me, a lifelong political junkie already teetering towards a nervous breakdown with each new #AlternativeFact: feel free to skip this post, pop a Xanax, and tune in next week.

This is for those who rush to say they’re “just not into politics.”

The ones who, on the same day millions of Americans documented the Women’s March, opted to Instagram a club selfie instead.

Because I’ve got news for you: Nineteen Eighty-Four is quickly becoming a work of non-fiction and the only silver lining is we can expect some killer new music from Green Day.

It’s time to start paying attention. Continue reading →

Now that I’ve gotten some political venting out of the way/my blood pressure has settled, let’s kick things off in Buzzfeed fashion with a list. If there’s one trait I pride myself in, besides single-handedly ordering so much Pad Thai that GrubHub equips me with four sets of utensils, it’s acclimating to a new zip code. You saw it with London (kind of…), and as I officially eclipse 1.5 years in Los Angeles, I’d like to think I’ve pocketed an, um, eclectic range of experiences. Many burritos have been devoured, many bar tables have been danced on (before promptly being escorted out by security), and, against my better judgment, a few actors have been dated. Continue reading →