Because Only Boring People Get Bored, pt. 2

A continuation of this post.

Let’s venture outside my neck of the woods for a hot sec and tackle more areas of La La Land that fall westward. Friends, family, and other people who aren’t deranged stalkers: hit me up if you’re interested in partaking in any activities I haven’t ticked off yet! You know, for the sake of seeming super cultured at dinner parties.

The Ultimate LA Bucket List – Part 2

Bolded = still to do

West LA

(Includes everything from Brentwood to Beverly Hills)

1. Pop a few dozen mints at The Stinking Rose, where every item on the menu includes garlic – Can you say ‘date night’?
2. Marvel as ice cream is formed with liquid nitrogen at Ice Cream Lab #science
3. Devour the Hickory Burger (and if you’re feeling ambitious, which I usually am, their apple pie as well) from Apple Pan
4. Splurge at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, Spago – Word on the street is his smoked salmon pizza is a real game-changer
5. Learn how to prepare sushi like a pro at the California Sushi Academy
6. Be wined and dined at the private Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hills Hotel
7. Tour the exhibits or kick back for a lecture at the Annenberg Space for Photography
8. Dance at a complimentary KCRW Summer Nights concert like the freeloader that you are – Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros was bizarre perfection

9. Order a snowball cocktail at Gracias Madre – I recommend their horchata flavor, The Dude Abides, for the name alone
10. Have your mind blown by the avant-garde delicacies at Bazaar – Some options include cotton candy foie gras, an ‘air’ Philly cheesesteak, and chocolate pop rocks. THE FUTURE IS HERE.

11. Pretend to be sophisticated and attend a movie screening at Nuart Theatre – Maybe you’ll get lucky and witness a Q&A brawl like I did
12. Purchase a cupcake from the original Sprinkles Cupcakes ATM Machine in Beverly Hills – They taste best at 3 am after a few mojitos and a regrettable shot of Jose… not that I would know
13. Then get diabetes from an ice cream-filled cupcake, also courtesy of Sprinkles
14. And THEN gorge on even more sugary goodness with an ice cream sandwich from Diddy Riese because, hey, life is short
15. Experience the signature tsukemen aka ‘dip ramen’ in Japan Town – As a professional eater, it’s in my equally professional opinion that you withdraw some cash and head straight to Tsujita

16. Browse the high-end shops on Rodeo Drive, after posing in front of the notorious Beverly Hills sign, of course – Or if you’re like me, jumping in the water and embarrassing yourself in public

17. Participate in Ken’s World Famous Trivia Night at Q’s – The more absurd the team name, the better. Some gems I’ve heard include:

Wingardium Triviosa
I like Thai food and by Thai food I mean titties
Circle of Jerks
We usually have more people
The Real House Elves of Los Angeles
The Little Sperm Bank
When you’re in between Netflix episodes and see your reflection on the black screen staring back at you, instantly prompting feelings of shame and disappointment

South Bay

(Manhattan, Hermosa, Redondo, and Long Beach)

1. Paddleboard with whales in Redondo Beach – Because according to my random Uber driver, this is a thing
2. Attend the annual Grand Prix of Long Beach – Three-day event held every April
3. Experience the exemplary beauty that is ice cream packed INSIDE a donut at Afters Ice Cream

4. Scarf down a classic cheeseburger (for a cheap price!) at MVPs
5. Tour the Space Exploration Technologies Corporation, commonly known as SpaceX, facility – Apparently you need an inside connect for this. Why so secretive, SpaceX?
6. Embrace the Christmas spirit at Candy Cane Lane, where every house is lavishly decked out in lights and decorations over the holidays
7. Since farm-to-table eating is all the rage these days, grab a plate at everyone’s favorite lunch spot, Manhattan Beach Post
8. Snap some postcard-worthy (or Instagram-worthy, for you millennials out there) shots at the Point Vicente Lighthouse
9. Examine the ‘Sunken City’ along the San Pedro Cliffs, which houses the remnants of a natural landslide that occurred back in 1929
10. Change your life for the better with Flaming Hot Cheeto Mac n’ Cheese from The Attic – Because this is EXACTLY the sort of superfluous gluttony our forefathers fought for
11. Laugh out loud at the Laugh Factory, Long Beach location – Fun fact: I saw Dane Cook perform here and his routine completely revolved around love being a sham and you just really get the vibe that this guy needs a hug and maybe some Prozac

12. Be at the center of the action for the Manhattan Beach Fireworks show, held over the holidays
13. Break out the rainbow attire for Long Beach’s Gay Pride festival
14. Contribute a $1 bill to the money wall at Shannon’s Pub – And don’t forget to sign your name, in case you’d like to showcase one of your fondest blackouts to your children someday!
15. Take a free yoga lesson on the beach, because what’s more LA than that? – Don’t forget your Lululemon!

16. Be endlessly entertained by the raunchiness – and sheer musical talent – of Sergeant Pepper’s Dueling pianos – Highly recommended for birthdays
17. Find Dory at the Aquarium of the Pacific… you know, before all underwater inhabitants are forced into extinction due to global warming and pollution!
18. Explore the Queen Mary, historic ocean liner turned (supposedly haunted) hotel
19. Grub on some lobster at the San Pedro Lobster Festival – I had HOPED this event would help me overcome my distaste for shellfish… but being first-row to civilians aggressively slurping at red lobster shells, slimy juice leaking from their mouths onto their shirts, has only heightened my PTSD. Never. Again.

20. It’s a tad morally questionable, but join in for movie night at the Long Beach cemetery – And hey, it’s BYOB!
21. Indulge in some Spanish dancing and tapas at Cafe Sevilla – Perfect for those of you who, like me, lived in Madrid and want to feel nostalgic
22. Who doesn’t appreciate a good sumo wrestling match? Attend the largest sumo tournament outside of Japan, the annual US Sumo Open, because yes, it’s 100% real

Hollywood

1. Mix it up by eating your meal inside a vintage railroad car at Carney’s
2. Celebrate the LA Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood, because you already know they do it best
3. Party at The Smell, a DIY-esque art and music space
4. Sample esteemed French food at Petit Trois – Their “Omelette” is supposed to be lit
5. Party in the birthplace of the Academy Awards, the Hollywood Roosevelt
6. Make a pit stop at LA’s most famous gay bar, The Abbey
7. Order the popular “cloud cakes” at Parisian pastry shop, Bo Nuage
8. Watch any variety of show at Whiskey a Go-Go, a venue so timeless it was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame – And here’s some trivia for you: this nightclub was the launching pad for household names like The Doors, Steppenwolf, Guns N’ Roses, and Van Halen. Also Linkin Park, because we all make mistakes sometimes.
9. Browse the Melrose Trading Post flea market, with its casual 100+ vendors
10. Experience whatever the hell Jumbo’s Clown Room is
11. Carve out time for dinner at the Mexican family restaurant, Gardens of Taxco… but don’t expect a menu, because they’ll sing the food options to you
12. Browse the classics at one of the largest indie music stores in the world, Amoeba Music
13. Treat yourself to the crazy impressive latte designs at Carrera Cafe
14. Tour the Museum of Death because why not
15. Sip any specialty cocktail at Now Boarding, the unique aviation-themed bar inspired by “The Golden Age of Air Travel”
16. Become even more cynical at the Museum of Broken Relationships, where anyone can donate relics from their past romantic flings – Consider it one last “FU” to your ex!
17. Get your own “But First, Coffee” cup AND espresso shot in a cone at Alfred Coffee – Part 2 still to be accomplished

18. Collect some obscure pop-culture memorabilia at Wacko Soap Plant
19. Take date night to another level with horseback riding at Sunset Ranch
20. See what happens when you combine a bowling alley with a bar at The Spare Room – My guess is a whole lot of injuries
21. Chow down on the famous pastrami sandwich at Langer’s Deli
22. Ride the mechanical bull at Saddle Ranch – Note to self: wear pants
23. Grab a slice at Pizzeria Mozza, since everyone seems to consider it the best pizza in the game
24. Watch a scary movie at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, where hundreds of years of Hollywood stardom are buried
25. Try any Thai dish at Jitlada, because they’re all splendid
26. Order off of the secret menu at every carnivore’s restaurant of choice, Animal – I hear their Boner Burger is legit
27. See a show at the Kibitz Room, the bar hidden inside Canter’s Deli – Another fun fact: Kibitz is the Yiddish word for offering friendly advice or wisecracking
28. Go to the original Pink’s Hotdog location, just know that shit’s overrated – I stand by these words, haters can fight me
29. Order an original tropical cocktail at Tiki Ti, a Polynesian bar so legit it warrants its own Wikipedia page
30. Indulge in the ultimate dessert tasting menu – 8 extravagant courses for $50 – at Providence – We are not worthy
31. Pose in front of the Paul Smith pink wall, because your Instagram isn’t complete without it
32. Buy a ticket for Madame Tussauds wax museum, even though it screams ‘tourist’
33. Attend a screening at TCL Chinese Theater, a historical landmark that was built in 1927 with materials imported from China
34. Enjoy a huge stack of red velvet pancakes at The Griddle – Because, as Leslie Knope famously said, “Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?”
35. See a magic show at the ever-exclusive Magic Castle – Invite only
36. Sample the Thai street food, as well as ice cream sandwiches, at the acclaimed Night + Market
37. Applaud the glamorous drag performers at Hamburger Mary’s – Bingo night held every Wednesday!

38. Go to a show at the Troubadour, where musical legends such as Elton John and Van Morrison got their start
39. And The Fonda as well, which has also hosted music powerhouses since 1926
40. Slurp a vodka mint slushie at Dirty Laundry speakeasy… after you party in their hidden room behind the bookcase, of course
41. Stand front row for a Burlesque show at No Vacancy, another speakeasy with one of LA’s more… unconventional entrances
42. Enjoy a picnic plus concert at the Hollywood Bowl – Not the slightest bit ashamed to admit I watched the Philharmonic Symphony play along to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Shit was MAGICAL (no pun intended).

43. Lounge in a deckchair, slip on your wireless headphones, snuggle up in some blankets, and enjoy a cult classic overlooking Hollywood with Rooftop Film Club – Last time I went I was so enthusiastic about my food that the workers treated me to this Cookie Butter-flavored custard… and not to be dramatic, but it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me
44. Two words: club crawl – Because you haven’t truly experienced Hollywood until you’ve scored bottle service and neglected your self-respect at ratchet, contaminated watering holes like 1 OAK, Warwick, and Hooray Henry’s
45. Bypass paparazzi on the way to the ultimate celebrity hotspot, Chateau Marmont
46. Laugh out loud at both the Hollywood Improv and Laugh Factory
47. Try a glorious macaron ice cream sandwich at Milk – Word of advice: don’t order the cookies, they’re mediocre
48. Test your luck and spin the wheel to determine your cocktail price at the New Orleans style saloon, Sassafras

Also because it’s one of my favorite spots, and I have flaw-free taste, so case closed, really.

49. Check out the immaculate celebrity Scientology Center – but don’t actually enter the premises because they’re cray (sorry, Xenu)
50. Snatch a canned cocktail or alcoholic popsicle off the bar cart at Church Key
51. Enter through a fridge to the ultimate retro hangout, Good Times at Davey Wayne’s – You’ll want to order one of their alcoholic snow cones as well
52. Dress up (and by that I mean “dress down”) for the famous Halloween festival in WeHo, where clothing is optional
53. Take a photo by the Made in LA Mural – Because do you even really have a lifestyle blog without it?
54. Catch an improv show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, founded by the wonderful Amy Poehler – My recommendation? Their ASSSCAT show. Thank me later.

55. Then compare it to a Groundlings comedy show, which includes notable alumni such as Will Ferrell, Kathy Griffin, Maya Ruldoph, and Melissa McCarthy
56. Kick back at the Disney-owned historic movie theater, El Capitan – I saw Hocus Pocus here and it was everything
57. Check out celebrity hand and footprints in front of TCL Chinese Theatre – Below: Kayla admires the slab of cement dedicated to America’s most cherished actor, Nic Cage

58. Shop for vintage clothes along the formerly underground shopping spot, Melrose Ave
59. And finally, feel like a kid again swinging in the lobby of The Mondrian

Holiday party attire (including tasteful shirt of a stoned Santa asking, “Where the cookies at?”) encouraged but not required.

Part 3 coming soon!