In a strange turn of events, I managed to not get banned from Europe after my year-long bender abroad. Customs just isn’t what it used to be, I suppose. So naturally, I jumped at the opportunity to take another trip overseas – for the first time since my days in the fried chicken parlor, liquor store that looks like a crime scene waiting to happen, thot-y paradise that was East London. This time, the squad was taking Paris. Bring on the escargot, romance, and lack of deodorant.
Before we begin, allow me to introduce you to our story’s cast, for all you poor, unfortunate souls out there who aren’t already familiar.
Brandon, or JBSC as the general public knows him, is my life coach, consultant on all things fabulous, the Beyoncé to my Beyoncé, and the sole reason I passed French. We share an affinity for museums, expensive shoes, expensive everything, and perfecting our own RBFs. If there’s anyone I envision as a Fortune 500 CEO and ruler of a small yet powerful Central American country, it’s him. And if you want a good laugh and to raise your IQ a few points at the same time, be sure to check out his equally fabulous blog.
Fun fact: this is how we entered the Olin business school every Tuesday and Thursday morning.
It ain’t easy being Catholic School RoyaltyTM, but someone’s gotta do it.
Hayden, meanwhile, is the sole reason I never got kidnapped in Madrid. During our semester abroad, we teamed up to create “Creepers of Spain,” a Pulitzer prize-worthy investigation that chronicled my adventures as a young American girl getting preyed on by foreign, bar-dwelling trolls.
Hayden and I have been partners in crime since freshman year when we embarrassed ourselves by dressing up for the Harry Potter premiere… and continued to embarrass ourselves in a multitude of other ways throughout the course of our college careers. He enjoys British comedies, procrastinating, and snapchatting me whenever he takes Ambien.
Brandon, Hayden, and I had all visited Paris several times before because we’re well-traveled like that, so most of the tourist activities had already been crossed off our bucket lists. This time, our goal was to simply gorge on almond croissants, drink enough red wine to forget our last names (and first names, if we were lucky!), dress to impress depress everyone else with how much better we looked, and wander the city Midnight in Paris style.
In true Arianna obsessive planner fashion, I brainstormed an over-the-top itinerary to send to Brandon:
Tuesday, August 18th – Our Royal Highness arrives in Paris at the totally practical time of 7:30 AM
- First things first*, after settling into our hotel/house/palace, we’ll treat ourselves to a splashy champagne brunch Sex and the City style and I’ll binge on no less than 17 scones.
- I’ll probably be jet-lagged AF so I propose this be our lazy day to settle in. Brunch, nap, mental preparation to run ish.
- Our afternoon could be spent taking a boat tour through the city because that’s fun and lets me be a fatass.
- Maybe check out the Eiffel Tower at night, but I’m sure we’ve both done that a bunch already.
*Im da realest
Wednesday:
- At this point I will have hopefully caught up on sleep, which will allow me to look human enough for us to start taking pictures and exploring the city!
- Obligatory photoshoot at the Beyonce wall #allhailbeysus
- Trip to the Louvre so you can see/be disappointed by the Mona Lisa (shit is TINY)
- If there are any other tourist destinations in that part of the city you want to hit up, we could do that then. Some good options would be the Luxembourg Gardens or Cafe Des Chats because oh my god I would die
- We can end the night at the Moulin Rouge since it isn’t too far and Hayden is obsessed with that movie.
Thursday:
- I’ve never been to Versailles but I heard it’s beautiful. This might be a good day to take a day trip there?
- Later that night we can go wine tasting or check out a bar, possibly in the Latin Quarter. Spanish guys get at me.
Friday:
- Shopping. A whole lot of shopping.
- We can go all throughout Champs Elysees and then Laduree will be right there for lunch. Macarons on macarons on macarons.
- And conveniently enough, Fondation Louis Vuitton is only a 20 minute metro ride away!
- Get back early enough so we can freshen up then rage at some crazy ass French club.
Pretty standard, I’d say.
The Art of Being Basic 