Block Of Cake With A Side Of Pain Meds

If I suddenly put myself on suicide watch, you’ll know why. What is snow?

California problems at their finest. It was another classic week here at Queen Mary: British cafeteria food remains utterly unidentifiable, I see more hijabs in a single trip to the library than I have in all two years at USD (yeah, diversity isn’t exactly their strong suit), professors are much more… um, straightforward (“You all know who Susan Boyle is, right? The Scottish virgin?”), and despite being loaded up on sketchy antibiotics, I’m already familiar with every pub within a ten-mile radius. I’d like to think I’m adaptable.

However, something special did occur: the wonderful Kayla and Sofia came to visit my uni! (Yes, I said uni. I’m that cultured.) Let’s piece together the weekend via unflattering iPhone photos.

After binging on the standard kabob and frozen curry (the #1 indicator you’re in my school’s territory aka the Mile End is because there’s an Indian restaurant next to you), it occurred to me five minutes later I was still hungry. Luckily, Kayla was more than happy to split an entire Sainsbury’s pizza to prepare for even more food. Girl’s gotta eat.

Obnoxious fur coat? Check. Bottle of tequila? Check. Block of cake we bought from the Food N’ Wine shop down the street that looks like a crime scene just waiting to happen? Definitely check. And they say Americans aren’t classy.

After meeting up with the rest of the Pooley dorm delinquents, we made our way to the local watering hole aka New Globe bar for student night. Random highlights include Kayla buying a random guy shots so she wouldn’t have to drink alone – what a saint. Despite that, the only number she got that night was from a girl. More specifically, a lesbian named Pilar. Hey, it’s college, right?

And, of course, the only picture of the two of us we have to commemorate this faithful night is, in fact, a Jose-inspired snapchat selfie. At least we can celebrate Kayla finally learning how to screenshot. Congrats, boo!

What I find in my bed: these two crying and listening to 2 Chainz. Help.

This is what happens when I step away for five minutes. Note the ever-present bottle of vino.

Also, fun fact: this was around the time Kayla leaped from my bed Olympic athlete style to chug down a bottle of Ibuprofen. Guess it was a good night.