1. Sweatpants don’t exist here.
2. All of the Italian and Spanish girls dress like Lisbeth from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Even your 200-year-old host mother will own a bedazzled skull jacket.
3. If you’re not dirt poor when you arrive in Switzerland, you will be soon.
It’s worth it, though.
4. Tell your family and friends you love them before you board your RyanAir flight. This day may be your last.
5. If you’re American and someone asks you about your country’s presidential election and you actually know what you’re talking about, people will be surprised.
5b. On a related note, if you say you support Romney, they will hate you and you will in fact be stoned to death. (A reasonable response.)
6. Ever wonder what happened to everyone’s piece of shit flip phones from 8th grade? I think we found them.
7. Panther’s Milk is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.
8. Where the water fountains at?
9. I’m going to have to wait an extra week to watch that new episode of Homeland, aren’t I? Now I know how Sergeant Brody felt when he was being tortured in Afghanistan.
10. My liver will hate me by the end of the semester. And frankly, I won’t blame it.
(And for reasons still unknown, a night of partying may end with a bloody sandal.)
11. Italian men really are that creepy. Even the museum tour guide will wink and call you bella. Even when you’re standing next to your mother.
12. Smiling is so American.
13. If you’re cheering louder than the Europeans at a soccer match, that’s when you know you need to take it down a notch.
14. If it’s a day that ends in “y,” it’s wine night.
And thank god for that.
15. No amount of hot sauce can ever make Spanish food taste good.
16. When your host mom asks you to bartend because you have the most drinking experience, just embrace it. There’s no shame in being the resident alcoholic.
17. … That’s the Mona Lisa?
18. According to Spaniards, ham cures everything. Even stomach flus. Especially stomach flus.
19. When you say you’re from California, people will ask “Like the OC?!” Every. Time.
20. That sweet elderly woman next to you is smiling because she just stole your wallet.
21. Men are so much more attractive when you don’t speak the same language and have no idea what they’re saying ♥︎ (Now you can be totally ignorant to the fact they just told you, “Nice tits!”)
22. If I can navigate through the city of Munich alone – on a Saturday night, after a full day of Oktoberfest shenanigans, with about 5 liters of beer in my system, via the train, bus, and a stroll through miscellaneous German neighborhoods, with a dead phone, all the way to my friend’s house from memory alone – I can do anything. Bring it, London.
The Art of Being Basic 